As the year is coming to an end, it has left me feeling very.. out of place. In a way, every year has ended somewhat similar : the dreadful thinking of not having done enough in the year to a more hopeful ‘anything can happen‘ in the upcoming year self-motivating speech I give myself to not feel so.. disappointed.
This year has been a tough one. Sure, there were many awesome moments but overall, it feels like a sad one. I’ve done the “looking back at photos,” or “questioning everything I’ve done,” dance and it’s really this seesaw of feeling bad to just brushing it off and feeling proud of the accomplishments along the way. But should I feel bad? Or proud? Maybe both? I’m not sure. But it is always ends with an never-ending question of, “was it enough?”
So, a few days ago, I was going through old photos and reminiscing – you know, admiring how fresh face I look (no tired eyes), laughing at my outfits, remembering so and so.. but it’s interesting, well, maybe the best word to use is.. sad, just sad on how I look back and I wish I can go back to certain moments in time, just for a minute, all I need is a minute more to hug someone a little longer or to try a little harder, say I love you one more time. I lived those moments yearning for the future, head in the clouds, wondering what’s next.. ignoring the present, not appreciating and remembering that now is what matters. Be present. Smile. Listen. And I did but not always. And it’s the times that I didn’t, that haunts me.
Life is a tricky one. You fight to overcome things – to not feel sad, angry.. and then one day, you just wake up and you’re not. You moved on. Maybe not fully, but you can face it with a strong face, a strong heart and be okay.
I guess I’m writing this blog post today to remind my future self reading this or to you, that life is not bad or good. It’s just life. Just that. What you make of it, is up to you. If you have the opportunity to do good or make things right, do it. Maybe it’ll help you sleep at night later on. No day is promised, not for me, not for you. But, it’s the moments that you’re happy that makes it all okay. The laughs. The smiles. Make time for that.